We talk a lot about how couples “create” each other as a result of ongoing, intimate patterns in the course of a relationship.These patterns are mostly unconscious, meaning outside awareness. And it’s interesting how change happens in a marriage. Mostly it’s the result of some indirect shift in the undercurrents of the relationship, either in the course of life, or sometimes with the help of therapy. It can feel mysterious, and hard to grasp. Sometimes, when one person changes, it can make all the difference. Here is such a case:
All marriages have divorce built into them. Often, though, we end up re-marrying the same person. This is a powerful–and painful –process necessary for growth, both as a couple and as individuals. In this post, Dave talks about some of the dynamics in marriage that help us understand this universal phase in the life of a couple.
Depression is not a straightforward problem; it typically doesn’t yield to straightforward solutions. Here Dave consults on a case of an elderly depressed woman. His seemingly crazy intervention brings surprising results. Enjoy.
Women who feel depressed often see this as a purely personal struggle, believing they have a “chemical imbalance”. They may feel burdened and alone, and responsible and/or guilty for their depression.
In fact, depression is rarely a simple personal affair. Most often, the roots of depression can be found in that person’s intimate relationship sphere, where important parts of our happiness/unhappiness live. Here’s one woman’s story of how she moved from depression to owning her own power.
There’s a lot of attention focused now on sexual transgressions as a part of the power imbalances between men and women. But what about the subtler, historic, forms of inhibiting […]
As a culture we are talking a lot lately about the many subtle and not-so-subtle ways men have of sabotaging female power. Here Dave reflects on what this says about the power dynamics between the sexes. Hint: Perhaps it has something to do with (unconscious) male fear of female superiority?
Sexual problems in a relationship, including erectile dysfunction, typically reflect a more subtle dysfunction in the underlying dynamic of the couple. Helping the guy to become less cautious with his wife can be a powerful libido-stimulator
Amy: Part of my attraction to the video “What Nice Men Don’t Say to Nice Women” (see post from 9/5) was that this was the first time I had seen […]
Dave and Raluca Jacono (Raluca is a wonderful therapist/ friend of DK): We both responded similarly to the Nice Man video. ( See video “What Nice Men Don’t Say To Nice Women” from […]
Amy: Here’s a rather provocative post from Alain de Botton’s “School of Life”. We were a bit ambivalent about posting it. I don’t like the ending; it’s too literal. It […]
Dave: So this is another one of those stories about a Princess. As with Goldilocks and the Fairy Tale Marriage, This is another modified Grimm Brothers tale, but it is […]
Dave: Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted […]