When Teamwork For A Couple Really Works (Don’t Try This At Home)
Comedian/actor Paul Scheer tells the story of how he and his wife, wanting to be “cool parents”, stepped into a bar with their six-week old son. The new parents wanted […]
Dave Comments On “De-Coding Temper Tantrums”
Dave: I have to take a moment to applaud my good friend and muse, Amy Begel, who has a splendid capacity to wrap complex experiences in words. I am a […]
De-Coding A Child’s Temper Tantrums: It’s A Message For The Family
Parenting advice often describes ways to “manage” a child’s temper tantrums. But temper tantrums, or defiant behavior in kids contain important messages for the parents. Often, without meaning to, kids are responding to underlying tensions in the family. They react in the only way they know how: through their behavior. The message: HELP!
A Woman Saves Her Marriage…Without Even Trying
We talk a lot about how couples “create” each other as a result of ongoing, intimate patterns in the course of a relationship.These patterns are mostly unconscious, meaning outside awareness. And it’s interesting how change happens in a marriage. Mostly it’s the result of some indirect shift in the undercurrents of the relationship, either in the course of life, or sometimes with the help of therapy. It can feel mysterious, and hard to grasp. Sometimes, when one person changes, it can make all the difference. Here is such a case:
The New Movement in Mom-Shaming
In this Opinion piece from today’s New York Times, Kim Brooks talks about the new movement in Mom-Shaming. She recounts her own experience of being stalked and recorded for leaving […]
Divorce Is Part Of Every Marriage
All marriages have divorce built into them. Often, though, we end up re-marrying the same person. This is a powerful–and painful –process necessary for growth, both as a couple and as individuals. In this post, Dave talks about some of the dynamics in marriage that help us understand this universal phase in the life of a couple.
The Problem With “The Perfect Couple”: It Could Spell Trouble For The Kids
Tensions in marriage are normal, and unavoidable. They’re part of the price of intimacy. Problems only occur when these underlying tensions are ongoing, and not acknowledged. They are semi-buried. Children are geniuses at feeling these latent tensions; they often help magnify what hasn’t been addressed. In fact, in their own way, they may be trying to help.
Help For A Shut-Down Man
Therapist Avi Klein wrote about the shame many men feel about their emotions, particularly feelings that expose a sense of vulnerability. We see men like that often in therapy with couples. Here’s a case of how one man allowed himself to be un-masked, and how it transformed the couple’s relationship.
Men in Therapy: Dealing With The #MeToo Movement, and Themselves
In his thoughtful Op-Ed from The New York Times, psychotherapist Avi Klein reflects on the men who come to him for therapy. He says many are grappling with “layers of […]
The Trumpsters: How Language Corrupts Thinking
We write often about the impact of language and how it shapes reality, especially in the psychotherapy setting. Here is an excellent Op-Ed by Timothy Egan about the use of […]
What Kept This Man From Killing Himself
In this beautifully written editorial, Iraq War vet Kevin Powers writes about how, returning from the war, he spent more than a year drowning himself in alcohol, hoping to disappear. […]
ADHD Medications: Good For Big Pharma, Not For Kids
We’re revisiting a past article by Dr. Allen Frances, a prominent psychiatric “insider” who now spends his time railing against the overprescribing of psychiatric medications. Here he talks about the New York Times article which connected the proliferation of “ADHD” in kids to the profiteering by the drug companies. This is a wake up call to parents and professionals alike. Frances says, “as it stands now, we are doing an uncontrolled experiment on our kids with no clue about the long term effects of the meds on their brains and behavior.”
“Control Issues”: A Young Woman With An Eating Disorder Challenges Her Family
In contemporary culture, as portrayed in commercials for pharmaceuticals, family members are portrayed as bystanders to suffering, having to “manage” the symptoms of their bi-polar loved one, or “suffer” the effects of the depressed person’s symptoms or behavior. But families, couples, all of us, can unwittingly get stuck in patterns, sometimes destructive patterns, of which we are unaware. Those patterns can cause distress in ourselves and others, which can show up as a “symptom” in one person. This is rarely intentional, more a product of the tricky, powerful and subtle nature of relationship dynamics.
Eating disorders are no exceptions. Most of the clinical writing and popular assumptions about anorexia and other eating disorders note that these conditions are characterized by the need for individual “control”. There’s truth to this. But if you expand the lens to include the family, you learn a lot about what this “control” can look like.
What If The “Sick” Person Is The Healthiest Of All?
Here Dave proposes the countercultural idea that problems like depression, ADHD, bipolar and other “disorders” are often healthy responses to the pain of unhealthy relationships.
Post-Affair Therapy: When A Couple Fails The “Marital Stress Test”
An extra-marital affair is one of the most profound “Stress Tests” of a marriage. Many couples who use this crisis as an opportunity to examine the state of their marriage end up with a more alive, more genuine connection. But others fail this test. What’s the difference between these couples? Here’s what one couple who didn’t make it looks like.
Beware: What Doctors Don’t Tell You About Anti-Depressants
From today’s New York Times: “Long-term use of antidepressants is surging in the United States, according to a new analysis of federal data by The New York Times. Some 15.5 […]
