Listen to Alain de Botton reflect on the benefits of being “kind egoists”. He notes how maintaining a healthy selfishness is probably the best, most authentic way to be there […]
Therapists tend to be good at being kind and patient with difficult people and they know how to put up with their patients’ demanding and outrageous behavior. Too often the demand for good manners persuades therapists to compromise their integrity in the attempt to maintain the relationship and to make their patients feel worthwhile. But compromising integrity interferes with the effectiveness of therapeutic work.
Here’s an inside look at what makes marriage both incredibly challenging, and, potentially, the most enriching experience of a lifetime.
(This is a re-posting of one of our early Oldies but Goodies) The Early Contract of A Couple Dave: Romance begins with excitement. Love probably begins with shared pain (I sense your need for me). Romance is a game-like shift into another sphere, a mini-psychosis. Romance embodies sex and sex’s more poetic, ritualized version, eroticism. Love, which includes sexuality and […]
Difficult Husbands seem to come in two brands: The Overly-Cautious Guy and the Know-It-All. These guys often look good on the surface, but they can spell trouble in a relationship. Here are some thoughts on what makes these guys tick, and how they inadvertently stand in the way of real intimacy.
Dave offers his reflections about what it’s like to be a psychiatrist disguised as a family therapist. Hint: The language is different, and no medications required
Teenage “cutting”: Teenagers are often seen in individual therapy for the self-mutilating behavior called “cutting.” Here’s a family therapy approach that stopped the cutting by revealing what was behind her apparent self-destructive behavior.
The modern Child Psychiatry perspective is limited to focusing on the child, without including the family culture in which that child lives. This narrow understanding contributes to the child’s isolation. That little person is usually worried about, and trying to help, the parents. No matter how it appears.
Fighting is part of both healthy and unhealthy relationships. But unhealthy fighting looks different Here are two types of couples with unhealthy fighting patterns: The Disconnect and The Immovable Object.
To fight or Not to fight? Sometimes NOT fighting is more of a problem for couples. Chronic conflict-avoidance can show up as extramarital affairs, or behavior problems in kids.
Dave: A good friend and talented colleague in Syracuse, Christine Matteson, a Licensed Creative Arts Therapist and Mental Health Counselor, sent me a copy of her recent newsletter: Creative Arts […]
To be a parent is to know worry. There’s no escaping it, and there’s really no cure for it. As my blogging buddy David Keith says, “If you can’t stand guilt don’t become a parent.”
Couples in therapy are often like the Three Bears: The temperature in the relationship is either too hot, too cold–usually not “just right”. Here’s how a couple re-set their Passion Meter.
Kids instinctively “worry”, that is, feel responsible for their families. Don’t forget that. Children worry about their families. They are trying to help the parents become not only better parents but better people. But their therapeutic methods get diagnosed as mental illness.
We hope you enjoy this rather charming post from The School of Life. The author, Alain de Botton, illustrates how our unconscious wounds from childhood can show up later in […]
For Amy and Dave, common psychiatric “disorders” are part of relational patterns, usually embedded in the dynamics of the family. You just have to know how to look.